The warm winds are beginning to blow. And scary faced jack-o-lanterns are adorning porches all over the country. When I was younger this was my favorite time of the year. My mom would make me my costumes, more often than not I wanted to be a cat. My dad and I would decorate our house, one year we even decorated while we were angry at each other. And it was tradition to carve pumpkins the night before Halloween.
When I was younger I looked forward to seeing decorated houses and Halloween stores sprout up like weeds in abandoned store fronts. And I wish I could say that I still did. But this Halloween hasn’t been the fun and games I remembered from my childhood. It’s hard for me to see the jack-o-lanterns lit, and witches crossing signs leading up to doors adorned with fake cobwebs. Halloween has always been a holiday for my dad and I. But this year he isn’t here.
My dad is in rehab, and I am so happy for him to finally be putting himself where he needs to be. But there is a part of me that is so angry and so sad for the mere fact that he isn’t here to help me decorate our house. I know that if he had a choice, he would be here helping me hang our pumpkin lights and making sure that the house looks just the perfect mix of scary and welcoming. I wish my dad could be here to help me. But like I said, I know he’s where he needs to be.
So I’m going to put on my big girl panties and decorate this place, just like my dad would like. Ill push through the sadness and of course I’ll mourn the passing of a holiday with out him, but Ill celebrate it like he were here.