Emotional Healing. Child of an alcoholic. Young adult depression. Inspiration.

I was once told by a wise woman that emotions are a strong force to be reckoned with. They breathe their own life and have their own destructive force. If one does not allow their emotions both happy and sad to escape and feel acknowledged, they will eat away at the life they live in. My journey in life has been a road filled with many peaks of happiness and many valleys of depression. But through it all I have held those words of wisdom with me. I have always found it easy to release my anguish, my depression, my sadness, and my happiness to those around me who love me and to my best friends “pad and paper.”

With this blog I hope to inspire others to write their emotions on paper, let the forgiving page hear all the words of hurt, pain, contentment, joy. With this blog I hope to inspire myself to forgive all that hurts in my life, to let go of old grudges and to grow, from the inside out.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Divine Dreams

“Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin' - this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin”
For those movie buffs out there you automatically now these iconic words from a little movie known as Pretty Woman. I recently thought of this line from the beginning of that movie while I was writing at the top of
Mulholland Dr.
overlooking the city. It got me thinking about the nearly 10 million people living in Los Angeles and their 10 million dreams and their 10 million stories, and how I am just one of those dreams.
I am simply a girl with a dream of using my words to inspire those who read my lexis. To use my voice as a catalyst for change, and a source of comfort to those in need. My dream is to create beauty in every piece of life, no matter how mundane or ordinary it may be. My dream is to give everyone a voice.
So I will keep writing and keep creating in hopes that these words touch those who read it. I hope that you will do the same in life. No matter how far fetched your dreams may seem, try to make it a reality. And if they don’t work out there is “always time to dream, so keep on dreamin.”


Have you ever heard the expression “don’t put all your eggs in one basket?” If you haven’t, think about it for a moment. If you have and have also done as this saying cautions you not too, then you know the stomach sinking feeling when all your eggs break because you tripped and landed on your basket.
Over the years I have tried not get my hopes up in situations where I’m not sure what the outcome will be. I’ve had more than enough moments where I was so sure of something only to be told that I wasn’t the perfect fit, or he’s just not that into me. I have learned over time that if I don’t expect much there is no way to be disappointed, because I don’t take disappointment well at all.
But just the other day I put all my eggs, a lot of eggs, in one basket. I didn’t heed my own warning about these situations and I was walking with my head high and proud and didn’t see a rock and I fell hard on my basket. Cracking every single one of my eggs.
But this time instead of crying over my cracked eggs, I saw it as an opportunity for change. It dawned on me as the familiar feeling of “not again” began to wash over my body that there was no reason to allow my stumble to keep me from still going. Yes, what I was so sure about and wanted so badly didn’t work out, but how many other great opportunities is it now giving me? Plenty!
So now, when I crack my eggs, I’m simply going to invite some friends over and make a good scramble.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Bare feet, Big toes & Bunions

Relationships can give you super highs of self confidence and lonely lows of self consciousness. When you’re having a good day you can feel as though you’re the only person your partner can look at. But when you have those days, and we all have them, that you don’t feel as beautiful as you are, you can begin to nitpick at yourself, “my boobs are too small…he like blondes…I’m too chubby,” so many falsely perceived imperfections that we all want to change.
Let me pull an example out of my life’s book. I once dated a man with a foot fetish. So for me it wasn’t my waist or my bust or my butt that caused me my moments of anxiety about my body, it was my feet. And aside from a pedicure, there isn’t much you can do to conform your feet to some one’s idea of perfection. I did however think of Chinese foot binding, and then Googled it, terrible, terrible idea!
But in any case I started noticing other women’s feet, comparing my own to theirs. I began to grow more and more aware of my feet. Of how they looked, felt, even how they smelled. I began to crazy about them. He would tell me that it didn’t matter, that he liked me and my feet just they way I am, a plus size girl with size 9.5 feet and little bunions. Yet I could never believe him.
It actually took a good long look in the mirror for me to realize that he was right. That despite my imperfections, my big feet or bunions, that he wasn’t just dating my feet. He was dating me. Slowly I began to stop looking at other girl’s feet in comparison to mine and I began to accept myself,
Now I haven’t been in a relationship since my foot fetish friend so I can’t say that I’m now a changed woman. But I can hope that I go into my next relationship knowing that I am beautiful and worthy of love despite my imperfections. And who ever is next to accompany me through my journey will do just that, love me for my imperfections.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Absolute Apologies

“I’m Sorry” Those two words seem to be some the most difficult for any person who is in the wrong to say.  No one likes to admit that what they have said or done had consequences they weren’t anticipating. Or that their actions negatively affected someone. No one likes to admit that they’re wrong and because of that apologies are hard to come by.
I too have a hard time saying those two words. I can say it a thousand times in my head before I can conjure the courage to say it out loud to the person who most needs to hear it. And by the time I’ve actually said “I’m sorry” the damage of my silence has often already taken its toll.
Relationships can be ruined, grudges held, anger and resentment combusting into a terrible mushroom cloud of acrimony and bitterness. All because we are to afraid to say that we were wrong? Own up to our faults? And simply just say “I’m sorry”?
Well I don’t want any part of that. When I am wrong I will be humble and understanding of what I have done and I will apologize. I don’t want to loose anymore relationships because I am afraid of two words or what they symbolize. My own ego or pride can take a back seat to those I love in life that I may hurt along the line. I will practice humility and perceptiveness in all situations of my life. And never again allow a relationship, friendship or an acquaintance to suffer from not hearing “I’m Sorry” when I have wronged them.