Emotional Healing. Child of an alcoholic. Young adult depression. Inspiration.

I was once told by a wise woman that emotions are a strong force to be reckoned with. They breathe their own life and have their own destructive force. If one does not allow their emotions both happy and sad to escape and feel acknowledged, they will eat away at the life they live in. My journey in life has been a road filled with many peaks of happiness and many valleys of depression. But through it all I have held those words of wisdom with me. I have always found it easy to release my anguish, my depression, my sadness, and my happiness to those around me who love me and to my best friends “pad and paper.”



With this blog I hope to inspire others to write their emotions on paper, let the forgiving page hear all the words of hurt, pain, contentment, joy. With this blog I hope to inspire myself to forgive all that hurts in my life, to let go of old grudges and to grow, from the inside out.



Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Eternal Echoes

It is said that our cells and genes have memories. That while we are being created and our parent’s genes are combining to generate our one of a kind person, not only are they passing us their physical traits, but also their emotional. We are now discovering that we are more like our parents then ever and not just the typical “you have your mom’s nose or your dad’s eyes.” Rather those small quirks, those fears, insecurities or things that brought them joy, that are being passed along with the same genes that are shaping our eye color, or the size of our feet.
 As a child I would willing place myself in time out, because I didn’t do as my mom told me, or I did what I wasn’t supposed to do. I would ground myself or restrict myself from things that I loved to do. My family all laughs at this now, and they did then too, but realizing where this may have come from adds a new level of complexity to my life.
My self punishment and  my overdramatic nature, didn’t come upon because I watched to much T.V. or because I was competing for attention from another sibling (I’m an only child). And although it is a sight to see and a story to be told of the young girl who puts herself in time out, to realize the meaning and the story that it all stems from seems a much more serious matter.
I have been battling with my father’s demons in my own body for years, growing up my father had told me of how his dad had been hard on him. How he never felt that he was good enough for him. I wonder now if my feelings of always being in trouble are because my dad felt that he could do no right in his father’s eyes.  Is this why I always penalized myself even if it was unprompted? Could this be the reason behind so many fits of angst and anxiety?  In a strange way I feel more connected to my dad now, knowing that this insecurity we both share is something we can both battle together, and overcome. It is an interesting premise and one that I would ask everyone to think about. How many of your personality characteristics have come from memories that your parents cells have given you?

4 comments:

  1. I have always been aware of not handing my fears to my kids. When they road horses my husband would take them because I slightly panic around horses. It is the quirks in them, things not modeled or learned which I find facinating and string us together as a family. My husband and I can see ourselves in our kids and they in turn can see themselves in us.

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  2. Thank you for sharing! This is a very interesting concept, and one that I have thought about a lot in relation to my struggle with shyness and introversion. I always wondered why I have trouble relating to people in social situations and why, although I am relatively comfortable with myself, my instinct is to shut down and close myself off. I know that I get it from my mother, who, despite what an incredible and strong person she is, has been severely stunted throughout her life by her extreme introversion. I have talked with her about it a lot, about how since she was little she always felt like she was watching people from behind a window with her nose pressed to the glass, unable to reach out. I can't help but worry that I will end up with the same amount of regret that she has because of my overwhelming fear of stepping outside of myself and living life. I don't want to go through life constantly being afraid to reach out to people and connect. I don't want to continue to be a spectator in my own life because I am too afraid to live it to the fullest. Knowing that my tendencies are partly the result of a long family history of depression and introversion is important because it reminds me that I am not alone and that the power to change is entirely within myself. When we have a knowledge of the basis of our darkest personality traits and self-destructive tendencies, it reminds us that we are not wrong or weak for feeling the way we do. It allows us to accept ourselves and attempt to overcome them.

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  3. Do you know when you were already born
    Do you know this is the way it would be
    Do you know when you were already born
    You were already you and I already me

    So take me as I am
    Take me as I am

    I know
    It's easier said than done
    But we've talked a million hours
    To end up just where we begun
    In this time we're passing
    With these distractions
    We could be having fun

    So take me as I am
    Take me as I am
    Forget your plans

    Do you know when you were already born
    Do you know this is the way it would be
    Do you know when you were already born
    You were already you and I already me

    So take me as I am
    Take me as I am
    Forget your plans

    -Take Me As I AM
    Au Revoir Simone

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