Whether it is a simple game of chess or a heated argument, no one likes to loose. It is human nature to play to win, you’ll never hear “Play to loose” from a coach to his team as they’re about to go play for the championship. And arguments are never settled by both sides giving up; unless the person playing or arguing is me. For as long as I can remember I’ve never liked to win. A part of me has always felt guilty winning against someone, as though I am hurting their feelings or making them inferior due to my win. That doesn’t mean I don’t play games, or that I don’t argue, cause trust me, my parents or close friends will tell you different. But the closer I get to winning a game or an argument, the more guilty I begin to feel.
I’ve boiled this resistance to winning down to my underlying issue of always needing to please others, and putting others happiness before my own. I feel that the person I’m playing scrabble with will get more joy out of playing if they gain the most points from their tiles than if I did. I don’t allow myself to enjoy the same happiness someone else may receive from winning because I feel I’ve stolen it from them, even if I won fair and square.
Doesn’t that sound absolutely insane? Well it does to me too. So now that I’ve verbalized my insanity I will change it. I vow to myself to feel the joy of winning. No longer will I let guilt get the better of me. I will stick to my stance in an argument, and I will play my hardest, cause I deserve to win just as much as the next person.
Any one want to play a game of Scrabble?